A year ago today I set out on my voyage to journey across "the pond" and left behind everything I knew...

 

Talk about a crazy year...so many adventures, so many descions...so many detours.  As I reflect on the past year, and all the decisions I made, I realize that most of my ideas and decisons were good ideas with a pure hearts motive, BUT most were not carried out as God's decisions.  I never really consutled Him...I just kind of thought since they were not "bad" plans, they must be good..right??? 

 

Beth Moore beautifully captures what my past year entailed through her crafty illustration she tells in her bible study "Breaking Free". She puts a spin to the "Footprints" poem...

 

Imagine in Heaven, God lovingly shows you His plan for your earthly life.  You see footprints walking through each day.  On many of the days, two sets of foot prints appear.  You inquire: "Father, are those my footprints every day, and is the second set of prints when You joined me?" 

He answers, "No My precious child.  The consistant footprints are Mine.  The second set of foorprints are when you joined ME."

"Where were you going Father? 

"To the destiny I planned for you, hoping you'd follow." 

"But Father, where are my fooprints all those times?" 

"Sometimes you went back to look at old resentments and habits.  Sometimes, you departed from My path and chose your own way instead.  Other times, your footprints can even be seen on another person's path because you liked their plan better.  At other times, you simply stopped becasue you would not let go of something you could not take with you." 

"But even if I didn't walk with You every day, we ended up OK, didnt we?" 

He holds you close and smiles, "Yes, child, we ended up OK.  BUT, you see, OK was never what I had in mind for you."

"Father, what are those golden treasure boxes on certain days?"

"Blessings, My child, I had for you along the way.  Those that are open are those you received.  Those still closed were days you did not walk with Me."

 

If I have learned anything from this past year, it is that, I am not ok with "just being OK".  I am not ok with missing out on golden treasure boxes filled with blessing.  And mostly, I am not ok with being on a different path away from my Father!!!  

 

Lately, I have been given multiple opportunities and choices.  I have described it as feeling like I am in an inclosed, dark hallway with multiple doors...not knowing which one to choose, or which direction to start walking. I have felt overwhelmed and defeated as, I am so dependant for Him to reveal, LITERALLY, every step I take.  I cant even plan the next hour withour asking God, "what next?"...I am in a season, where every desicion is based on the one before it.  I feel like a toddler learning how to walk again...frustrated, and wobbly... not able to complete a simple task without help.  It was in the many moments of defeat that I was smacked upside the head with His amazing truth!!!!:

 

"Let Him who walks in darkness and has no light, trust in the Lord and rely on his God.  Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who equip yourselves with burning torches!  Walk by the light of your own fire, and the torches you have kindled!  This you have from my hand: you shall lie down in torment!!!" Isaiah 50:10-11

 

Sure it is much more frustrating to walk around in pitch blackness...but I would rather be frustrated than tormented.  His word, brings light to this simple truth:  if I knew beforehand the plans He had for me, I would not need Him and I would do everything on my own.  God only allows me one day at a time, so that I am forced to rely on only Him..

 

"Your wisdom and knowledge led you astray" Isaiah 47:10..."then call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me and find me with all of your heart!" Jer. 29:12-13.

 

I no longer want to be led astray.  I have now found joy in heading down my "hallway" in pitch darkness.  I am content, having no control over what door my God is about to open to me!  I am no longer tormented by doing things my own way and following my own light.  It is a moment by moment battle fighting my flesh to do things completely God's way, and seeking Him with my whole heart... but the treasure boxes each day have been nothing short of blessings!!!

 

"But He knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold!"

 

Praise Jesus, I am not left to be a piece of scrap metal...but have been bought at a high price to be tested worthy as gold!